Glad to be home

I am so glad to be home! The time we had in California was good, but the drive out there and back left a lot to be desired. That trip is very l-----o-----n----g and stressful. Anyway, the family seems to be holding up well over all.

I was really surprised at how much I missed my kids. I had a longing for them all week. I have never realy expierenced that before in this job. While it was different for my longing for Jason while he was gone, it was almost as intense. And I think most of them really missed us as well.

I was having an email discussion with one or our youth ministers and apparently felt the need to pour our my heart a little to him. One of the things I wrote him, really hit home to me (isn't it strange that you can write something down that was in your head, but still be impacted so deeply by the thought?). Anyway, I wanted to share it and I was going to find some way to just casually work it in. However, I am not that great of writer, so I am just going to put it out there for everyone to deal with as they would like:
"I sit down many nights after they have gone to bed and regret things I have said, my attitude and the fact that these kids are here at all. If I really think about their situation a lot,

I would have a hard time issuing consesquences, setting rules and maintaining boundaries. This is one of those areas I wish I could be so much more like God in-giving completely of myself knowing that most of the time, I will be rejected and still not becoming callous, angry or depressed. I guess this is where I use the excuse that I am only human, though I know that is a lame excuses, because so was Christ and look at what He did and who all rejected

him. I really believe this issue is at the heart of the Christian walk. What an amazing family, church, city, state, country, world we would live in if any of could really get this right."

As for the girls, they are doing okay. This past six weeks in school was not very good-three of my girls had at least one failing grade, four of the girls grades dropped by 8 points or more and one of my girls ended up with a poor conduct grade. And it is not just my house that had this problem. Apparently, this six weeks was bad for a lot of the kids on campus. What worries me about this is that as mentioned before, the holidays are very difficult for these kids to get through and if their grades drop any further in school, many of them will fail classes for the semester meaning summer school.

As of right now, it looks like only KR, MS, and SS will have some place to go for the holidays. The other day, MS was complaing because she was not going home over Thanksgiving as long as she thought she should. KK very calmly and politely told her to be grateful she had any place to go at all and MR said that she didn't want to here that complaint again because at least MS was going to be with her real family during the holidays. MS later admitted that she felt as small as an ant for her comment after the girls said these things. I know it is weighing heavily on their minds. I feel sort of gulity for getting to go Austin in December to see my family when 6 of my girls have no such privilege. I am hoping maybe some people will do things with them during the holidays to help us out a little bit.

Thanks for taking the time to read this blog. I will try and get better about updating it. I would love to hear comments from people who read, just so I know if someone is actually reading this. I have heard rumors that a few people I have not talked to in years do read this. Thanks! Let me know what you think.