Agreements

Agreements.

That was the subject of our preacher’s sermon this week. Agreements we make with the Enemy. Not agreements like “I will give you my soul if…” But agreements that rob us of the freedom and abundant life that Christ came to give us. At the end of his lesson, he gave us time to think about the agreements we have made. Not that I needed a lot of time to do that. Sadly, I know exactly what agreements I live under and until this past Sunday, I was okay with that. However, listening to Brian talk made me realize how absolutely ridiculous it is to live with these agreements. They are pretty unreasonable, stressful, burdensome and draining. So now, I am going to attempt to let go of the following agreements.

At one point of time I agreed that it was my responsibility to make sure those I cared about were right with God. As a child and teenager, this included my best friend, who happened to be a member of another denomination different than mine, and my step father. In college, this included the group of friends I hung out with as well as a few people who were struggling deeply with some very serious identity issues. As a young adult, I added to this list my husband and some members of his family. As a houseparent, I added all of my kids which now numbers somewhere in the 80s (not millions, Amy). As people are added to this list, no one is ever taken off. It is not as stretch to say that about 50% of these people are in my thoughts and prayers daily. Now, on the surface, praying for them does not seem to be a bad thing. I have found though that my prayer time is not very refreshing, giving or effective because I spend so much of my time asking and pleading rather than praising and giving thanks.

I also agreed to believe that by being religious, things in my life would fix themselves. This has never been proven true, ever, and yet, I still find myself thinking, “If I read my Bible, go to church, etc then I will avoid the problems I have seen so many other people have.” Yeah. To put it mildly this has never happened.

Ever since I can remember, I have lived with the belief that everyone will leave me and/or disappointment me. That pattern can be seen in my life. However, the contrary is also very clear in my life. I have a friend I have known since I was about 6 years old and we talk on a regular basis. My mother has always been there for me. Period. There is a great family whom I claim as my own that I have known since I was about fourteen and for some reason, they claim me as well. My college friends are some of my best friends and though a few of us have scattered around the country/world, they are still there for me. My husband has made being in a marriage a wonderful experience and we have been married far longer than I ever thought I would actually be married (because statistically speaking, I shouldn’t be married still and I tend to believe most statistics).

If I were a “normal” parent, most people wouldn’t argue with me on the next agreement. However, I am anything but a “normal” parent. Still I agree that my kids’ behavior/attitudes/spiritual choices are a direct reflection of me and my parenting skills. Forget the fact that my kids come to me with a ton of baggage and most of the time they have very few social skills. It is still all my fault.

I also live under the assumption that my kids’ negative behavior is a direct attack on me and done purposefully to make me angry or upset me. Therefore, when my kids do something that is wrong, I react quite quickly in anger and respond as if it is a personal attack. Very rarely is there is love or teaching in my response to my kids poor choices or negative behavior.

The final one I think is very hard to put into words unless you attend our worship services. The life that we are being called to by our elders and ministers is biblically sound, holy, and pleasing to God . However, I live under the understanding that to let go of the past way of living out my faith and live that life instead would be a rejection of my heritage and faith and thus wrong. Therefore, I am convinced that I shouldn’t really change.

And that last reason of course gives me the justification I need to continue to live under the previous agreements.

The Enemy is really good, huh?