My mom dropped me off at the Austin airport about 35 minutes earlier than I needed to be there. I inquired at the gate if it was possible to get out on an earlier flight and boarded the plane that was in the processing of boarding. I was the third to last person on the plane and made my way to the back where I saw a few empty seats on the isles. I sat down next to a gentleman who was sitting alone in the row in the middle seat. He had his bag sitting on the window seat. I was sort of annoyed at the fact that he wouldn’t put the bag down and scoot over allowing both of us to have more room but he obviously had no intention of doing so. I was polite as he made small talk but I had no intention of actually getting into any sort of conversation with him. Then he made some sort of comment about having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for 26 years and had just received help recently in dealing with it. This piqued my interest a bit and I inquired what had caused the PTSD. Over the short 39 minute flight from Austin to Dallas , his story unfolded.
Ron joined the Army two weeks after his 19th birthday. Six weeks later, he was in Vietnam “seeing things no man has a right see.” It was never really a choice for him on how to deal with what he saw and did and Ron never blamed society, the Army or anyone else in general for his problems. He returned from his one year tour of duty, married, had kids and held down a steady job at the postal service for 25 years. His children were always well provided for and had very few wants. His relationship with his wife was what he thought it was supposed to be and looking in from the outside, nothing would appear to be wrong with Ron and his family. There was no abuse, no neglect and no major issues -- just a normal family, living a normal life. However, Ron readily admitted that he was vigilant about his safety and the safety of his family. While this may seem healthy, Ron took it to an extreme level, often times interfering with family life and outings. He was always on alert, suspecting everyone around him to be “out to get” him, his wife and his kids. According to Ron, it caused many problems for him and his family. However, Ron had been given no coping skills to deal with his PTSD in childhood as he was raised by a mean, alcoholic mother and of course, at the time of the Vietnam War the Army was not providing post-service support/counseling. So, Ron found the only way he could to do deal with it and smoked marijuana often. This of course deadened his feelings to reality which in the end made him emotionally unavailable to his wife and children. Eventually, while dealing with her some of her own issues his wife also became “a different person” and the two of them divorced. Before the spiral of PTSD, hyper vigilance and marijuana use killed Ron, he made it to a VA hospital where some “wonderful doctors and thousands of hours of counseling” saved his life and provided him the coping skills he needed and removed the “darkness that had always swallowed” his life.
Throughout the course of the conversation we talked about kids and I shared that Jason and I had been houseparents. I shared how I had felt called into that field as a teenager based on my experiences in growing up in a “broken home” and with an alcoholic step father. He then explained that he was using his experience with PTSD to mentor vets returning from the war to avoid what he had lived through.
At one point of time, Ron mentioned something about being “spiritual but not religious.” At the time he made this comment, it was not appropriate at all to dig deeper so I let it go. However, Ron noticed my sweatshirt and inquired what denomination Oklahoma Christian University was. I shared with him that it was primarily supported by the church of Christ but welcomed anyone of any or no faith to attend and went on to explain that I had been raised in the church of Christ. He just nodded and asked if there were other schools like it and I listed the Christian Universities that are technically church of Christ – ACU, LCU, Harding, Pepperdine, David Lipscomb. He had heard of a few of them and was surprised that one or two were CofC schools as he knew people who had gone to those schools and they never seemed drawn into religious issues. I felt like this was an open door and so I asked “Ron, earlier you said that you were spiritual but not religious. Can you explain to me what you mean?”
Ron hesitated and then said, “I don’t want to offend you but then again I don’t think I will.” I assured him he would not offend me and encouraged him to continue. He did. “Ginger, I believe there is a God. No, I don’t believe there is a God, I know there is a God. I would say though that I am a Gnostic Christian though I don’t abide by everything they teach. Basically, I know there is God. I believe he sent Christ. I believe Christ is divine. I believe there is a Holy Spirit who provides in more ways that I can know. I believe God is an infinite God and that my finite mind and the finite mind all humans cannot describe God to me or to you and an attempt to do diminishes Him. I believe I must have a personal relationship with God, Jesus and the Spirit and I believe that this is my right and you are allowed to have your opinion even if it is not my opinion and that is between you and God. I read the Bible and I pray – though I refuse to pray the scripted prayers of the church – and I seek to help others find the light to break free from the darkness.”
I was blown away. I could not disagree with him on any point and I told him as much. He was visibly moved by my response and asked why I attended the church of Christif I believed like he did. I told him that I chose remain at the church of Christ specifically for the reasons he stated, because I knew when I was with my church family, they believed the same thing and I longed for the fellowship that being part of a church. He said he longed for that fellowship to but was not at a point where he could be part of that fellowship. He said, “I often wonder if I ever will be.” I asked him what it would take for God to convince him he is ready and he said, “If I could find more people like you and apparently your church, I would be ready.” I told him to be faithful to that and I believed God would honor that faithfulness.
To our surprise, the plane was landing so it was time to wrap up the conversation. Ron was continuing on the plane to Albuquerque and I had a connecting flight to catch to Amarillo . I stuck my hand out to Ron and said “It has been a pleasure. Thank you for being honest with me Ron and explaining your stance on spirituality verses religious. This was an encouraging and uplifting conversation.” Ron replied, “I felt safe with you, Ginger and I too have been encouraged. I am so glad our paths crossed and I hope when I am ready there will be others like you ready to take me in. Who knows, maybe, I will just pick up and move to Amarillo at that time?” We both laughed and I assured him that as long as he was seeking Christ, he could find what he was looking for. He smiled and with a tear in his eye said, “That is the promise, isn’t it.”
No comments:
Post a Comment